UP = muri 

on this particularly nice day, sometime in the afternoon, i found myself wandering around UP, as i was looking for a particular building, which was hidden within the series of roads inside the oval and a couple of meters away from where i went down. eventually, after a few minutes (seems like half-an-hour to me though) of walking and being lost, i found the admissions. i though t everything was okay from then on, but to my surprise...

after reading through the list of GWAs and quotas for a very long time, i came to a conclusion that UP for me is simply impossible (with no thanks to my stupidity and i three semesters ago. *sarcasmmmm*).  and i was all, "yabai, yabai" when i was looking through the list, especially when i found linguistics.

this made me think twice about transferring to UP. this made me think about one of the things which i was thinking about while i was staring outside the window this morning. this made me think even more about the things i have thought about before. i don't even know what to think about now.

honestly, i'm just one confused child who still doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up. that is probably one of the things i did not think much about when i was younger. and now i am all confused about what i really want to do. ack!

this might also be because i think nobody will support me when i go out into the real world (as if i'm not in the real world already) that's why i'm thinking hard about what is the most practical course that i can take to support me, and why i'm thinking whether i should go for what i like doing. well, nobody will really support me anyway. i'll be all alone when that time comes. haha. that makes me envy my cousin, who seemed all hopeless and all, a whole lot. but yeah, i was there... people were there to support and help her when she needed it the most (and she's getting moral support, still) that's why somehow, someway, she's managing to move on through life without much worries. kono sekai de sonzoku shite ni naru no tame ni, ningen wa mou hitotsu no ningen irimasu na~. maa... sou omotta.

can i just jump off a building now? (and as if i would really have the guts to do such a thing to bring me to my worst fear of all my fears--and i can't even mention it.) ah, i'm thinking. i'm thinking. that's all i can ever do--think. my half-hearted approach will never get me anywhere. i wonder though, why i am this half-hearted about the most essential things? naze darou na...

somebody save me from this negativity. it's continuously pouring down on me and i can't even manage to bring myself up with this heavy weight over my shoulders (and it's getting heavier and heavier). this is one of the days when my negativity overpowers my look-on-the-bright-side attitude. seriously... seriously. i hate being this down. i can't stand a day of it. sorry for whatever mean i may have done today, though. i didn't mean it. this just isn't my day.

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