ten minutes ago, i made a decision to stop worrying over things i should be thinking about. i have been so stressed lately that thinking even further just makes things worse for me. five minutes after that, my friend asked me to read a blog entry of hers titled, "pithaya" (which means dream in whatever language that may be).
Kahit na gaano kalaki ang balakid na humarang sa iyo, hindi mo ito iindahin dahil mayroon kang mithiing tutuparin. Sa kabilang banda, wala rin namang masama kung ibabagay mo ang mga reaksyon mo sa mismong nangyayari sa iyo, dahil sa ganon mas angkop ang mga aksyon na maibibigay mo. Pero, maaaring mawala sa direksyon ng iyong tunay na mithiin ang daang iyong tatahakin.
i can say that i am somewhat enlightened. the fact is that i am not really clear about that 'pithaya' of mine, not to say that i don't have any though. with so many people voicing their opinions, add to them my own, i've become lost. the world's superficiality masked in what we commonly call practicality is continuously blinding me, and right now, i can completely admit that i have lost track of what i really want to achieve.
what i want to achieve?
i want to work in japan!
stupid? yes, it is stupid. call my dream in any way you want to: stupid, unrealistic, childish, impractical, what have you. from now on, i cease to care about what other people say about it because, in all honesty, i do not see anything wrong with it. hit me if i begin to say that i want to become a prostitute; slap me when i tell you i want to be a bum for ever. but don't tell me not to chase after my dream because it does not go against any morality laws or whatever. it DOES go against the majority's dream, but WHO CARES about the majority? just because they are the majority, does it mean that they are right? does it mean that i have to follow them like a stupid lapdog and do what they do?
i will follow my dream. i'm losing my primary option but there's still another one. i should go with that instead.there is one reason why i can never go after what the majority is going after right now. it is because i cannot find meaning in what they are trying to do. NEVER liken me to other people because I AM NOT THEM. i am myself and what i make myself to be. perhaps THEY can find true meaning in what they do, but I CANNOT. and i just cannot accept doing something i find meaningless. idealistic? yes, i am very much. i make it a point to give meaning in everything i do. perhaps someday, i'll find meaning in them too, but right now, no.
note: before anyone assumes, i am not pertaining to anything/anyone in particular. this is something that just randomly came up in my mind, and it is supposed to be a generalization of sorts. and... that this is something fleeting. i'm just not all good right now... still.
before this leads from one thing to another...
foodtrip = fun! haha. flaming wings, cello's doughnuts, ruffles, chips ahoy, doritos, yellow cab, cookies, milk tea, bubble tea much. zoe na nagpaikot-ikot na kasi di tumitingin sa mga text. haha. anna & zoe na pumapayat na dahil sa up enrollment system. overnight na may tulugan. taxi rides and resto foodtrips on a tight 500-peso budget. pbb no hajime. juno na parang yung korean movie na jeni juno (er, tama?). manicures & orange.
may round two pa. haha. bukas! can't wait. ^_^ club manila east naman a few weeks after. good idea?
i need serious de-stressing. hahaha.
kirby? isdatchuuu? haha. 
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