Powered by Bravenet Bravenet Blog


3:11 PM




"...sousuke to iru to ne, jibun ga dondon kunakunatte iku kanji ga shita no. itsumo jibun yori, sousuke no kimochi o yuusen shite kita. sou suru to ne, jibun ga ima, nani o kanjite iru no ka, nani ga suki de, nani ga kirai ga, honto wa nani ga shitai no ka, sou iu koto ga, wakaranakunatte iku no."

"when i was with sousuke, it felt like i was gradually losing myself. i always gave priority to sousuke's feelings rather than my own. doing that, what am i feeling right now, what do i like, what do i hate, what would i really like to do? i end up not knowing such things."

 -michiru from last friends

transcript from drama note; kanji reading with the help of rikaichan; english translations from suketeru's subs; from the drama last friends.

have you ever felt that way? when you slowly and gradually lose yourself to the point of not knowing what you want to do, what you truly feel, and you can't even point out what you truly like and dislike. manipulated to the point of having a dependency that clouds your judgment because you feel that the other person is more knowledgeable, while you are a mere nobody.

you become dependent on the other people who you think (and force you to think) that they are better than you, hence you end up valuing their opinions over yours. because of the countless mistakes you've gone through and endless scrutiny you've received, you feel that their decisions will always be better than yours. you live your life that way to the point that you become indecisive... until you completely lose the ability to decide for yourself lest you fail once again and get harshly criticized... until you begin to fear taking a step forward because you fear failing, so you depend on others' decisions so that if you fail, you can pass on the blame to someone else and spare yourself from the criticism and blame.

but in doing so, you still are a failure because as you grow up, you need to start deciding for you own. unfortunately, you can no longer do so because you have lost the capability to decide. you wait until someone decides for you, but sooner or later no one will do that for you. you start feeling helpless and sorry for yourself for being such.

once in a while, they will feel sorry for you too, and will decide to help you. you follow them, of course, because you somehow need to pull yourself together; you need to stand up once again. but when that suggestion doesn't work out, you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start being optimistic. however, while you are comforting yourself, hoping that things will be better, you get pushed back down. you get told that you better not regret things in the future. and you start feeling all depressed again to the point that you cannot imagine any future for yourself, and think about how it would be much easier for you if the prophetical end of the world happened right at that moment.

7 コメント.

Posted by Point Blank:

I've felt those thing and until now, I'm still committing those acts... I'm so a failure.. haha.. Even though I stated on my last blog that I won't rely on someone anymore... I just can't help myself.. I still rely on that someone.. haha.. =]
5.22.08 @ 9:46 PM

Posted by Garrett Kuralt:

Mini sinks may also be custom ordered for special design wants. If you'll find smaller sinks that appeal to a homeowner, each can turn into distinctive by installing the unit with custom or special faucets to carry via a particular theme inside the bathroom cabinets.

Furnishings for the breakfast nook is made up of a table and some kind of seating arrangement. Most men and girls try to pick a table that matches the shape of their breakfast nook. As an example, a circular table in an octagon shaped space or possibly a rectangular table in a very breakfast nook that is an extension with the kitchen units. Must you possess a larger family and want far much more seating, then breakfast nook benches are a greater selection than chairs. Nonetheless, your friends could be more comfortable in a very chair of their own as a substitute to cozying as significantly as a stranger. For that reason, a mixture of benches and chairs works greatest within the kitchen.
12.15.10 @ 7:06 PM

Posted by Roxana Bessone:

Mini sinks can also be custom ordered for special design requirements. If you will find smaller sinks that appeal to a homeowner, each can become distinctive by installing the unit with custom or distinctive faucets to carry by way of a specific theme within the bathrooms.

An additional assortment of kitchen furnishings that is well-liked will be the kitchen cabinets. Practically nearly every single modern day kitchen has one of these, but not everyone could be deemed furnishings. What tends to make an island a piece of furniture is if there is a spot for seating. A kitchen island with seating is kitchen island furnishings together with the stools that you sit on. Some islands will have a raised edge in order that the breakfast bar is never in get in contact with with unprepared foods. Additionally, the counter top will extend out farther than the cabinets underneath so that there's a place for the knees when sitting on the counter.
12.15.10 @ 10:22 PM

Posted by sex:

Posted by Mobil bekas & baru Jakarta hari ini jualmobilbekas.hol.es:

Posted by Jelly Gamat:

Posted by Jelly Gamat:

Post New Comment

No Smilies More Smilies »